I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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