So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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