So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
