Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
