What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
