My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
