Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
