My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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