I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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