If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
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