AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
