Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
