Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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