Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
