How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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