All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's rum buckets o'clock
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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