That's intense
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
