I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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