so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
