I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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