I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
