The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
