thus making me awesome and them whores
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
