dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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