I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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