He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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