Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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