you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
