My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
