i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
