it wasn't lemon gatorade
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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