i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
