At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
