I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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