I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
