We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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