Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
