she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
