A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
