awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
