My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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