Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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