So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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