Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
