She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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