I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
