2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
