Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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