It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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