6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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