Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
