What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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