I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
