she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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