Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
