All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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