Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
