Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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