I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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