You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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