Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
did i walk over a car last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
