So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
