So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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