Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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