the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
