i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
