She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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